those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
