I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize