The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
