just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
