I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
