so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
