I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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