Your mouth is God's brothel.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
