I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
