but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize