You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
