he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
