Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
