Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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