Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
