My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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