I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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