She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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