Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
