if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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