Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
