I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
