Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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