My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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