this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
