You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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