Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
