Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
