sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
