Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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