but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
