What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize