You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
