Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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