Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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