I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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