I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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