'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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