i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
