I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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