and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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