Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
be right there i have to get my cape
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
