Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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