mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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