he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
