Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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