just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
