This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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