I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
