Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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