I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
