I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
