Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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