Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They took my balls.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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