Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
