I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We left an ass print on the piano.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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