I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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