I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
