went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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