either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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