People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
