So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
