Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How external is "for external use only"?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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