sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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