My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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