I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
