What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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