I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
